Pace Ass
"Will outrun you, then explain it. This runner does not enjoy motion. They enjoy superiority measured in minutes and seconds, preferably spoken aloud within thirty seconds of meeting you."
This ass does not run for joy, or health, or the quiet hum of a morning. They run for the number, and the number is a weapon. Within thirty seconds of meeting you they will know your pace, judge your pace, and mention theirs, which is better, in case there was ever any doubt. Motion is merely the delivery system for superiority. They will drop you on a hill and then circle back to narrate it. Every conversation is a race and they have already won it. A metronome with an ego, forever converting a beautiful sport into a leaderboard with exactly one name on it worth reading.
Know someone who has earned the Pace Ass? Put them up for it.
